Rent-A Friend?

I can appreciate the ingenuity, creative imagination and the entrepreneurship of those reinventing the limits of the Internet and its programs; however, one of the hottest topics on Google is a Rent-A-Friend website for those with low-friend-count on their Facebook or other social network page.

It’s not a dating or escort service, and that’s good. However, people who don’t have enough “friends” connected to their account can enter any zip code in the USA or Canada and find those who will sell their relationship.  People who want the “friends,” have to become members, and that’s where they pay before connecting to the new group of acquaintances.

The Rent-A-Friend site reportedly has 100,000 hits a month, claims 200,000 members, and it has only been around for six months. Here come the knock-offs, and the trend is here to stay for a while.

Some of the youth I work with have tried this new-fangled thing, and results have been mixed. I have encouraged them to avoid this web site and others like them. It’s not that I’m an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but I believe friends are friends, and it’s not hard to make friends for most people.  If you have to rent them for what every reason, something’s not right. It’s also against what God has taught us, too.

I once gave a friend in my young life a quarter if he would not tell a certain girl in school that I liked her.  This was when 25 cents could by 25 pieces of bubble gum. He took the money and promptly told the certain female of my interests the next day.  How much would he have taken? I don’t know. How much would others charge to be a friend of a stranger? I don’t know.  I do know that Jesus taught us to be fishers of men, to spread the word of an everlasting life, and we should help strangers in need of help.

Does help include renting friends to be popular on a social website?   I don’t think so.  An article on the topic suggested some practical uses of the Rent-a-friend website, such as a person new to a city looking for someone to show them the town, but that could be a bad situation, too.  One-one one talking is the real answer to finding a friend, and that includes a prayer every now and then to Jesus.

Peace be you with always,

Rev. Paul Abernathy

“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” -2 Peter 1:2

Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.

Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.

Summer time is busy time

For teachers, summer is usually a time to get a break from the routines involved with their jobs. As the school teachers wound down the second semester, I was gearing up for this summer to prepare for educational and Christian programs for nearly 300 young people from ages 4 to 18 who are an important part of our church ministry. Now that August is here already, the school year will start soon as I am finishing the last weeks of a few projects. I’m also working with a few non-profits organizations and larger businesses to help with new programs to assist our youth in school.

The summer has gone fast, and I was personally involved in two of the programs my staff and I organized for this summer.  I was a counselor at a traditional summer church camp with activities and campfires so I could have some time with my teenage son.  Besides looking after him, I had others to look after and I had my share of bee stings and loose baby teeth. I also took part in a week-long “camp” of sorts which came about with a partnership with a local restaurant association and several prominent eateries.  It was a cooking course aimed at preparing more healthy meals for lower costs than eating out, and I had my daughter along with me for this experience.

Beyond the usual trips during all the summer camps to the zoo and the museums, we had different programs to help teenagers raise their own children as they learned to appreciate their role in caring for God’s children.  We also had computer camps so our youth can properly benefit from the many options developing from the Internet, especially the social media.

With the summer disappearing before my eyes, our staff is getting school supplies gathered to stuff into backpacks for more than 500 children, mostly from our church.  We seem to fight the recovering economy when it comes to getting donations from people and businesses; however, we always get what we need and sometimes more, thanks to our Lord. Also, our push to restock our food pantry for hungry children has taken an extra meaning on my part after the class I had this summer.

Serving Jesus never ends, and He gives us challenges we can handle with the help of those around us. We just have to open our eyes and see.

Peace be you with always,

Rev. Paul Abernathy

“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” -2 Peter 1:2

Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.

Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.

When grandparents are parents again

As a father and a husband, one of the gifts I have for my children are times they spend with their grandparents.  During visits throughout the year, along with the traditional holidays, these parents have retired from being the day-to-day parents and have earned the rights in some ways treat the children in a special way different than I could ever do.

However, in the state of Washington and throughout the country, more grandparents are becoming parents again. In 2008, 40.7 percent of grandparents in this country were the primary caregivers, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.  The act of grandparents “keeping the family in the family” is as old as time, but what is alarming is the number of older people assuming this role.  The choice is better than alternative than when a child is living with the parent involved or drugs or crime, or when there is no mother or father and the only other choice is a series of foster homes for the child.

My kids love their “Grammy”, but I believe their opinion would quickly change if my parents had to take charge of their lives on a daily basis, especially as the children enter the teenage years.

Children living with their grandparents tend to lag behind their peers, news articles stress, but this may not accurately reflect the impact of the grandparents when compared to the lives of the children while they were with their real parents. I’m sure a dash of old-fashioned wisdom never hurts anyone.  In one article, a 14-year-old Chad, who has been with his grandparents since he was 6 months old, said, ”She (his grandmother) shown me love and kindness and has always been there for me.  She’s always pushing me and pressuring me to keep going.”

While safety and security are positives for the children, the new life for the grandparents can be a challenge to “do it all over again.”  There is change in comfortable lifestyle, and financial matters need to be considered. The incomes of the elderly are a problem and the thousands of dollars needed to raise a child in a lifetime pose problems.  Health issues of the elderly may also be a factor, but keeping up with the kids would keep anyone young at heart.

The saying that is takes a village to raise a child is appropriate here.  Local civic and non-profit organizations can fill in the gaps. The church has a responsibility to help both the children and the elderly to care for the needs of each group, especially when the two are in the same house.  Our church has a special ministry to meet this combined need working in conjunction with these local organizations. The growth of the church continues because the lessons of time are being taught to the youth, the lifeblood of any church.

Peace be you with always,

Rev. Paul Abernathy

“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” -2 Peter 1:2

Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.

Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.

Stepping Stones

Thousands of tassels have turned and many of the high school graduates of the class of 2010, including those involved in our own church activities, are faced with a new reality of life after high school.  No matter how recent, all those dances, classes, football games and other events are memories to be discussed at future reunions.Some graduates have made plans for marriage, the military, jobs, colleges or universities or just a summer vacation before their life begins another stage.

I’m, still waiting for that time when I could take a bike tour of Europe, but that dream was for when I was single. Parents, in an attempt to make their children more independent, have already planted seeds of responsibility from the first time the son or daughter took out the trash or mowed the lawn. Today the seeds have bloomed in the summer sun, and while individual family situations may differ, generally parents are encouraging a more physical distance between them and their children at some point in the near future. Some call this “leaving the nest.”

Even though our children may fly away to unknown parts of the earth, we are still parents who will love them and care for them regardless of their new situations.  God is our Father and he feels the same way. He loves us no matter what we do. The Lord has prepared for each of us to live and be an important part of the communities in which we serve.  When we fall, He will be there to bring us up to the light of life.

Our own children, who may think they know about the world based on their own experiences so far, will be in for a big experience economically and spiritually.  Those of us who have passed this stage still need to be aware of this change. As more adults re-enter in job market, the Class of 2010 have the job of finding a “good” job (or at least one to pay the rent- Dad’s new rules).  This will be a challenge, even as college plans loom in the distance. “How?” is the big question, followed by “who,””what,” “when,” and “where.”  “Why,” may seem redundant, but it still be asked.

The Lord is our security in all things in life, and while challenges are facing the youth of America after high school graduation, we need to encourage our children (and those in our ministry) to maintain this trust.  Jesus , who looks upon each of us as a shepherd cares for his flock, counts each of us so that none of us are lost to the world, no matter where we are.  Prayer is the key to this communication with God, and He will speak to each of us in a unique meaningful way.

Most of our first jobs  developed our sense or work ethic and character instead of making us rich ,and this probably for  the Class of 2010 unless someone sells his or her Internet website to the corporate world and becomes an instant millionaire.  The first jobs are merely stepping stones that will lead us to at least one career and probably several careers in a lifetime.  God has a plan for us.  We just have to listen.

Peace be you with always,

Rev. Paul Abernathy

“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” -2 Peter 1:2

Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.

Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.

God will filter “Culture of Distraction”

Highway billboards have become hi-tech, changing digitally every 30 seconds or have revolving slats that created a 3-in-one feature. Drivers have all sorts of distractions and these kinds of billboards contribute to a culture of distraction.  Newspapers carry more and bigger ads to remain profitable. Text-savvy phone users, call it TMI, (Too Much Information) especially when a person goes too far for an unnecessary explanation.

The electronic barrage continues. Listen to the radio- more commercials …TV, (machines can cut out the commercials), and even video on the Internet have their own ads. Then there are those pesky pop-ups (but there is technology for that too).  Once a person gets past the ads, and to the information itself, the choices are everywhere. ..magazines, newspapers, e-mail, blogs, and millions of articles about everything on the Internet.  Information is good, but sometimes TMI.

An article(May I have my Attention , Please? July & August 2010) in AARP quoted Maggie Jackson, author of Distracted: The Erosion of Attention and the Coming of the Dark Age, as saying, “We’re really facing the limit of human ability to cope with stimuli in our environment. “  The article continued with researchers at the University of California-San Diego that on average, American s daily see, hear or read 35 gigabytes worth of information- or about 100,000 words from TV, the Internet, books, radio newspapers and other sources.  That figure has grown more than 5 percent annually since 1980.

Processing the information into what matters the most can be frustrating and lead to creating more stress. There can be much to remember and much to forget either on purpose or by accident.  Scientists say our brains, in some ways, can’t cope with multi-tasking and half-listening.  My wife accuses me of not listening to her at times.  We can control some of the problem ourselves by limiting out “inputs,” makes notes (and I make lots of lists), and realize we can’t remember all the names of people where you used to work. There is one more source. Our Lord.

He is the one who gave us the ability to create the world in which we live. We can talk with Him in prayer to help know what is important and what is not important in our lives, including all the information we encounter on a daily basis. There are opportunities for us to see and hear His messages  through the words and actions of other people that matter.

The Bible urges us to listen to the Lord, and live by the words in The Book.  This will simplify this “Culture of Distraction.”

Peace be you with always,

Rev. Paul Abernathy

“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” -2 Peter 1:2

Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.

Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.

Support your local Minister

A headline for an AP story was “Clergy need more than faith in God to retire.”  This is not news to me.

I thank God for the calling He has brought to me, and I now am in a good financial position with a larger church congregation that has favorable compensation for an official retirement. I will never retire in my commitment, but there will come a time when my role as a youth minister will be given to someone else who can keep up the crowd of children who need to be taught God’s word their way.

The retirement of many ministers around the country is not as fortunate, almost like Father Mackenzie in the Beatle song, ”Eleanor Rigby.”  Shrinking church attendance in some areas and denominations is causing problems for the retirement of clergy…
Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon
That no one will hear – no one comes near
Look at him working, darning his socks in the night
When there’s nobody there – what does he care?
© 1966 EMI Records

According to that AP article, those clergy who are dedicated to help people live for today and the time when we are no longer on earth need to gain more control of their personal financial futures now.  I would agree. The clergy around the country often lack home equity and a full pension, and they tend to stay on the job longer than other professionals who benefit from traditional retirement benefits.  The financial meltdowns of the stock market in 2000 and 2008 hurt many people including ministers (and me), and recovery is still slow.

A senior minister at a small to medium-sized U.S. church gets on average $70,300 a year, according to a survey by the National Association of Church Business Administration. A  small percentage of the group, 13 percent , do not get retirement benefits, and other churches are making very small contributions to the retirement plans of others.

I realize people who go into social services, especially ministers, are not expected for get rich for their years of education and dedication.  Money issues, especially higher-than-normal salaries can be tempting, and these matters can become a problem for church administration. Major TV ministries, for example, have suffered from “Pass the loot” syndrome.

The article stressed that whatever a member of the clergy earns in a lifetime needs to be properly and professionally managed so when the time comes to step down from the pulpit, the minister won’t be going to others to ask for help after being a source for advice after all these years.

Peace be you with always,Rev. Paul Abernathy

“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” -2 Peter 1:2

Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.

Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.

Celebrate religious freedom and diversity

As we ignite the barbeques in the backyards and enjoy the fruits of our labor- the hundreds of pounds of hamburger and hot dogs – on the Fourth of July, let us see why the bombs or fireworks burst in the air … the freedoms we enjoy and defend daily in this country.

One of the freedoms that we sometimes take for granted is freedom of religion.  There is no state religion and the state can’t control the way the people  worship in this country.  The original colonies grew from groups that came here to escape religious persecution, and because of this diversity, we became a unique experiment in human relations. Since 1776, the feeling still perseveres.

A case in point was when in late May, a Manhattan community board backed a proposal to build a Muslim community center near the World Trade Center.  According to a story in the New York Times by Javier C. Hernandez, many families of Sept. 11 victims fervently opposed the proposal, saying they were offended by the idea of building a prayer space so near the site, and that building a tribute to Islam so close to the World Trade Center would be insensitive.

More than 100 people, including children, testified in the four-hour hearing, which was punctuated with angry words and signs. The board’s vote was advisory — it did not have the power to scrap plans for a center — but it was seen as an important barometer of community sentiment. The proposed center, called the Cordoba House, would rise as many as 15 stories two blocks north of where the twin towers stood. It would include a prayer space, as well as a 500-seat performing arts center, a culinary school, a swimming pool, a restaurant and other amenities.

The group behind the project, the Cordoba Initiative, is seeking to make major structural changes to the five-story building at 45 Park Place, which was built in the late 1850s in the Italian Renaissance palazzo style. More approvals and funding issues still need to be resolved, but the basic issue of religious freedom and diversity was confirmed once again.

Ray Stevens, noted for his silly, but popular songs, also had a song, “Everybody’s Beautiful.”  A line that still rings true, “Everyone is precious in His sight, yellow, black or white.  Jesus loves the children of the world.”  While it is true that the people who committed the crimes of 911 and the Twin Towers were Muslim, not all Muslims are radical terrorists.  The pain of the events that day continues, and perhaps in the spirit of religious freedom and diversity as symbolized in the new Muslim community center, we as Americans, can become a stronger country tolerant of different religious view s and thoughts.  Time will tell.

Peace be you with always,

Rev. Paul Abernathy

“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” -2 Peter 1:2

Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.

Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.

Serve God naturally according to our gifts

I admit I did not always want to be a preacher.  There were some ministers I have known, especially in my youth, who may not have been great men of God.  I asked plenty of questions, and some who I thought had the knowledge, had answers that were not good enough for me.  I wanted to be other things in life, and I trained for them. This training becomes a journey, and that’s why I went to Ball State University. Elias and the rest of us started the unofficial LSC fraternity, too. You are reading part of that effort. Eventually, the only way I could find the answers to my questions was to become a preacher myself, and I hold myself responsible for the children who demand answers from me, in light of today’s changing times.

Each of us needs to serve the Lord according to the gifts that God have us, but life isn’t as simple as all that. Some people come from a long line of ministers and get into the real thing in Seminary, only to find their real purpose in life is in music, acting, writing, sports, medicine or making golf clubs for pros.  Each of us has a purpose in earth, and that purpose changes over time. Our presence may have different purposes for different people at the same time. That is the glorious mystery of God, and it is up to us to believe the plan is a good plan.

This lesson for using our gifts is an important lesson for children.  Children should be allowed to explore their interests, and within limits that may cause them major harm or death, parents should encourage changing interests as they children grow.  Soon main talents emerge, and at this point parents should not push for perfection in contests for these talents, or these seemingly “positive efforts” by parents can backfire.  Then potential talent in the child is lost or postponed until the anger for extra work in youth disappears and the passion reappears.

In business and education, there is a type of training that tests personality traits of people and similar traits are coded into colors.  Those with different “colors” may complement each other, or may cause problems. Possible disputes can be avoided as problems are anticipated and solved.  All this is important to explain how people relate to each other, in business or in organizations, such as a church.  I believe the “color” personality theories have racial undertones with the message that people of different skin colors can live together in peace and harmony.

A person’s color personality traits, especially in youth, needs to be realized and taken into consideration in the development of that child’s God-given gifts.  The potential of an athlete can be accomplished only if he or she starts involvement in sports, and a specialty emerges possibly enough to become a professional in that sport.
I would not like to be in this world if we all had the same talents at the same time. God plans our lives before we are born, and each of us is different so we can serve our Lord according to our gifts.

Peace be you with always,

Rev. Paul Abernathy

“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” -2 Peter 1:2

Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.

Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.

The Enemy Within

Some things seem to never change.  One of those is the thought that the worst enemies are those that are closest, within an organization or group.  Some of the younger children in the youth groups call these people, “frenemies.”   I’m not sure if that is a real word or not, but what concerns me most is how vulnerable the young people can be when it comes to a relationship to Jesus.

Beyond the quickly fleeting disagreements between friends among the young is an insecure world outside of their friendships.  Violence in the streets, legal and illegal drug abuse, gangs and other influences are external threats. A faithful family is the key to this strength when friends are not accepting of someone.  When families are not strong for many reasons, the lonely, confused children can leave the house physically and /or mentally.  At this point, religious cults and leaders who proclaim Jesus as their Redeemer draw from the crowds of the confused who have a basic religious ethic.

The converted Paul, who at one point in his life persecuted Christians, was a smart person and knew of this state of confusion. He knew the Jewish scriptures as part of his training in the faith.  As a Christian, he was well aware of how those who oppose the Lord operate.  His first letter to those early Christians in Corinth, Paul addressed this issue.  Corinth was a commercial center between two seaports on the Aegean and Adriatic seas, and the Greek influence was prominent. Mixed with rituals from the Jewish traditions, a new church emerged in this environment and the Christians were also confused.

There were those within the emerging church that had decided Christ never resurrected to sit next to His Father, and Paul said, in 1 Corinthians 15:33: “Do not be deceived: Evil company corrupts good habits.”  He even accused of some in the church of not knowing God, and admonished those people.  In 1 Corinthians 14:37, Paul writes, “If anyone thinks himself to be a prophet or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things which I write to you are commandments of the Lord.”

The children are our future, and those who lead them need to know the Truth about how to lead them.  False prophets and their cults today have other motives such as money, power, greed, or sex to drive them, all in the Lord’s name.  On their path of destruction, the resource of our future may suffer physically and mentally along the way down.  I work hard to prevent a repeat of history, and urge those who hold the lives of the future in their hands to remember why they were given that charge.

Peace be you with always,

Rev. Paul Abernathy

“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” -2 Peter 1:2

Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.

Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.

Marriage is still a great thing

I always find something to do as a youth minister; however, my primary role is a minister. As such, I perform a few weddings in June that other ministers in the church don’t have time to do. I see this as a treat, since I believe in marriage on several levels. Before a couple gets married, there are counseling sessions on a variety of topics I conduct so there is an understanding of what is really happening.  Some of these people are those I first met as children and I have seen them mature in age and faith, so this is even a more special joy to join these couples in marriage.

Around this nation, marriage is still a great thing. Annually 2.2 million marriages are performed in the United States and that breaks down to more than 6,000 a day. (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/).  A person can see why I get extra busy this time of year.

According to the CDC, 25.8 and 27.4 are the estimated U.S. median ages at first marriage for women and men, respectively, in 2004. The age for women rose 4.7 years in the last three decades. The age for men at first marriage is up 4.3 years. (http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/hh-fam/ms2.pdf)  This age varies by region. Men and women in northeastern states generally have a higher median age at first marriage than the national average. In Massachusetts, for example, women were a median of 27.4 years old and men 29.1 years of age at first marriage. States where people typically marry young include Utah, where women were a median of 21.9 years and men, 23.9 years (http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/fertility/005807.html).

Since a wedding is a unique event in a person’s life, it is big business from clothes to food, flowers to photography, and a wedding can cost from $10,000 to $50,000 or more.  Once the wedding is over, the journey starts.  Marriage is more than just two people  of the opposite-sex living together, which was or 4.2 percent of all households in 2004 (http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2004.html).  There is a legal contract involved, along with a religious contract for life.

I have been married for more than 10 years, and we make it work.  It is the right way to raise a family. People and circumstances change throughout a marriage, but the union needs to stay strong for several reasons.  Changes in births, jobs, locations, deaths, finances are events which alter a marriage, but Jesus says in Matthew 19:5-6, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother  and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”  Through this union, children enter our lives, and children are precious in Jesus’ eyes.

Despite divorce laws and reasons why people can’t get along, I believe marriage is a legitimate legal institution in the eyes of today’s society and the eyes of the Lord, and it will continue because it is woven into the fabric of who we are as a group of people.

Peace be you with always,

Rev. Paul Abernathy

“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” -2 Peter 1:2

Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.

Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.