In the first part of the year, people make resolutions to do something, to make a change, or make their lives easier.  Dieting and smoking are popular ones that are not always followed up during the rest of the year.  How about getting along with others and avoiding conflicts? This is one of the teachings in the Bible.

“Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.” Romans 14:19  New KJV

The fact there is simply too much conflict in the world today. While it can be argued ground has historically been gained by violence to benefit society, I suggest four basic principles of conflict resolution.  When there is a disagreement, much energy is spent on finger pointing, blaming others for our own problems, and not accepting responsibility of our own actions, whether they are planned or unplanned.

Conflict resolution is a skill that can be easily learned, but requires practice while being implemented.  It involves negotiation, which is a process of interactive communication designed to reach an agreement best for both parties.

First, each person must know exactly what the problem is in order to solve it. Everyone in a group must understand what the problems are in order to work towards a solution.  Opening up communication through honest questions and answers can result in greatly reduced feelings of discomfort and can help working relationships.

Secondly, each person or point of view gets uninterrupted time to talk, to explain, to identify.  It helps to talk to the person who interrupts or ask a mediator to assist. Allow a speaker of a group to fully explain his or her stance and thoughts. Use genuine Listen Skills because this happens when a listener responds to the speaker in ways which indicate that the listener cares what is being stated. The person is fully focused on the other person’s words and feelings with the specific intent to understand his or her point. Steven Covey has this concept stated in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, as “Seek first to understand before being understood.”

Third, each person or group involved should paraphrase or summarize what the other person or group said.  This exercise tells the other person or group is you are on the same page.  When persons in conflict see that the other party understands his or her stance, it effectively stops anger from escalating and helps us remember what is being said.

Fourth, agree to a resolution, commit to change and be held accountable.  With the newfound understanding of a problem or concern, each person or group should commit to making changes, to specifically alter the conflict behaviors and be fair.  Select a solution that is best for both people or groups and hold yourself and those who you represent accountable for those changes.  This is the difficult part, because people ordinarily don’t like changes.  Routines are easy.

Remember that attitudes affect our behaviors and impact relationships. An attitude is nothing more than a way of acting, feeling or thinking that portrays our underlying values and perceptions. To minimize conflict, we need to adjust our attitudes when working on solutions to problems, big or small.

Peace be  you with always,

Rev. Paul Abernathy

Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.

Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.

Newsletter for the World of Words by Elias Tobias

 Cumberland Road chosen Poem of the Year for 2009

By the end of the year, nearly 160 new poems and previously published poems appeared on the World of Words by Elias Tobias, and the best one, Cumberland Road, was chosen Poem of the Year for 2009.

The top five poems of 2009 were rounded up with A Different Cloth, Cheese Police,
Never had time to say Goodbye, and Brainstorm.  An honorable mention goes to The Mistress, for the seagoing guys.

Readers at the World of Words helped by going through the monthly archives and reading past posts to decide which poem, was their favorite. If these were no among your favorites, then let me know at contact@eliastobias.net. 

Lambda Sigma Chi Fraternity initiate new member

The brothers of Lambda Sigma Chi Fraternity featured on the World of Words by Elias Tobias, had a 10-year reunion in Indianapolis in December.  Adrian Parker, Bill Kelso, Paul Abernathy, C.J. Chatham III, Rufus McDougal, Christopher Benedict and new member Karl Dobson brought their families for a two-day get together and to meet the pledge who was initiated into fraternity -Brian Kohut.

       Brian Kohut is sponsored by Brother C.J. Chatham, III. Kohut has worked with him on several occasions on a professional level. Kohut is from New Jersey, but now has office in Philadelphia. Pa., for last 18 or so years. He was in the U.S. Army with a Special Forces unit after high school and in military service for about 16 years, until an injury in Bosnia shattered his right knee and he was honorably discharged.  Much of his past is classified, but he went to a community college and earned Associates Degree, on G.I. Bill for Criminal Investigations while he worked security for several firms.  Kohut received his Private Investigator’s license and began his business.  He has since gone on to get a masters degree in criminology.

Kohut is a health advocate, like exercises- especially. Bicycling and also skiing. He met C.J.  Chatham at a vacation while skiing in Vermont in 2006. Kohut likes to cook, especially making healthy meals lower in fat and carbs from older favorite recipes.  Kohut likes cooking shows for this reason and has taken a few classes to be a better cook.  Also likes wine, in moderation.

Kohut is divorced, and has one child, a teenage daughter, who has lived with him past three years. Daughter, Dalia (DOB 1994) was in mother’s custody for one year.  Brian met Stephanie , his wife, when he was recuperating from knee surgery (1991-92) and then both of them were going to the same community college. They married in 1993 after knowing each other for 1 year.  They divorced in 2005 after 12 years of marriage.  The time spent with his job took its toll on the union.

Rev. Paul Abernathy to start column on World of Words

Rev. Paul Abernathy, one of the founders and original members of  unofficial Lambda Sigma Chi Fraternity at Ball State University, will be starting a column, “All Things Considered,” as part of the World of Words this year.  His columns will appear on Saturday of each week, if the copy comes in on time.

After nearly three years in a new blog format and up to seven posts a week, The World of Words will not publish any posts Thursday. The number of poems in the catalog of work by Elias Tobias not already posted has been reduced, and the two-day reduction will ensure enough poems will be posted for the whole year.  Thursday’s poems in 2009 were largely those previously published, but those are now a part of the online collection.  The multi-national translations will continue along with poetry from the Boys from the Lambda Sigma Chi fraternity.  Friday will have the photo posting as in 2009.

 Join the World of Words Official Fan Club

Be a part of the World of Words official fan club. The webmaster of the World of Words by Elias Tobias has created the Official Fan Club Web Site for the poetry blog. Millions of people come to the poetry and photography blog every month, and comments received have been positive. The Fan Club Web site is free, and those who want to join are urged to register for the main site with the link in the bottom right portion of the page.

The World of Words by Elias Tobias Official Fan Club web site is for those who want more from Elias Tobias and read all there is on the web blog.   The Fan Club has  many added benefits and the goal  of the fan club is to create a true community of the webs site’s readers. Benefits include a personal blog by Elias Tobias called Between the Lines, Faces and Places, the Exponet Insider, free downloads and free classified ads for those who register.

To see the Official Fan Club Web site video, click here.

To get to the the Elias Tobias World of Words Fan Club web site for registered users, click here.   

        Get The Exponet newsletter print edition

The latest edition January 2010 Exponet, the official newsletter of The World of Words,  is available in PDF format, can can be send to any specific email address upon request.  To request a printed edition, contact the webmaster at contact@eliastobias.net.

“A New Start” Theme for January

January is the first month of the year, a time of resolutions and later in the Spring, rebirth.  It’s all about starting over. Out with old ways and implementing somethinge new and hopefully, better. I’ve started over with new jobs, new locations, almost as if I’ve reinvented myself to fit the situation. It begins with the start of a new year.

The theme of poetry for the month of January 2010 is “A New Start,” for all daily posts, including the Poem of the Month below.

Poem of the Month

Waiting

Something happened to me today,
but I don’t really know what it was.
Something happened for sure,
because I feel different inside.
I’ll wait until tomorow to see
how much my life has changed. 

(Photos by Mike Hall)

A light snow falls on Flowing Well Park, on 116th St in Carmel, Indiana. It is a 17-acre area that features a well that has delivered fresh spring water since 1928.  The land around the well is part of the Cold Creek watershed, and a nowcovered bridge straddles its banks.

Sometimes
  I wish
  I was far   away in a place
 where I could do
   what I wanted to
      and say what I like to say.

  But I know
life will never be that simple,
  so I’ll just live as things
  happen day by day.
Who is Elias Tobias? Go to his biography that is also in Spanish.

Me and my friend went to a
Party on a Saturday night.
Went to see what we could see.
When we go to the place,
This is what he said to me,
“You’re socially inadequate.
Wrong Words, bad moves…
That’s where you’re at.
And when it comes to sex, man
You can’t swing your bat.”

I thought”who the heck is he
To talk like that to me.”
I thought he was a good friend,
Not a back-stabbing enemy.
I have principles, not the kind
Who yell in school.
To me a good date is more
Than a great roll in the hay.
Women respect guys with rules.
I said he was the fool, and
I was gonna have my way.

The beat bounced off the wall,
And the music was too loud.
My friend danced his body
To the changing lights and sounds.
He danced with all the women,
 And sure worked up a sweat.
If he doesn’t get a lady tonight,
Then something’s wrong with him I bet.
But I didn’t dance that much.
I’m not good on the floor, and
After a few drinks, I hit the door.

I left my friend at the party,
And I started to walk home.
Then I found the red Line bus,
But I was not really alone.
There was a girl I see, but
I didn’t remember her name.
I knew she was there at the
Last party where I had been.
We sat together and talked,
And said he followed me out.
She said the music was too loud.

This is not the end because,
Really this is just a start
With an affair of the heart.
We spent a lot more time
Talking and dancing to bands,
And she would hold my hand
To prove to my friends that
Hey, in her eyes, I’m her man.
As we get closer and closer,
Our love merges into one.
I hope we can get married,
And then I can have a son.

I suppose you wonder what
Happened to that jerk of a friend.
He is lost in his madness, and
 life’s all in a bottle’s end.
I see him from time to time,
But we don’t communicate.
He’s on the street corner begging
And he is living his fate.
I think I should try to help,
But no matter what I do,
He just tells me I’m a fool.

Who is Elias Tobias? Go to his biography that is also in Spanish.

Brother Rufus McDougal has a strange sense of humor. As a man with a sense of good taste or whatever lands on his plate at dinner time, he has experienced personal problems, which inspired this timeless classic.

To Fart is an Art

To fart is an art,
 so naturally sound…
 so essentially profound
   and common as man can be.
It can even be said of nobility.

The varieties are endless,
 sounds are high and low…
 some fart and don’t know
   it until the proof is in the air.
Be sure to have on underwear.
      To fart is an art.

Write a poem instantly by filling in the blanks. Go to Instant Color Poem for a sample and get started.

I was watching western, The Hour of the Evil Gun, and Glenn Ford left the bar with a shot glass half full.  Here is my poem about this.

Don’t waste the whiskey, man.
There’s still some in the shot glass.
My money‘s a bit tight, you see
And I need to make it last.

Don’t waste the whiskey, man.
Why do we have to leave now?
The shot glass is half full, and
That’s a thing I just can’t allow.

Don’t waste the whiskey, man.
Let’s go for another round.
I don’t think you’re too busy now,
And  the band has a nice sound.

Don’t waste the whiskey, man.
Why do you think we have to go?
There’s still some in the shot glass,
And you’re moving kinda slow.

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